Wednesday, October 3rd, 2018:
The school year has now started over a month ago and to be totally honest, it feels like it never stopped. Last year I transferred schools from Valley Christian School in Osceola, WI to Avail Academy in Fridley, MN.
At first, this transfer was extremely difficult. It was really hard going into a new school and education program in my Sophomore year. However, now that I look back on that time, I am so very thankful that I transferred.
The sole reason we moved in the first place was so we could be apart of Vertical Church in Maple Grove. We ended up commuting back and forth living life mostly on the road that year of 2016-2017. Yes it was long and yes it got old but now, I am thankful for that transition year.
Heading back to my Sophomore year, I started out the year emotionally unstable. I had the amazing opportunity to work at camp the summer before however, this led to pure and utter exhaustion. I was very sleep deprived, homesick after being away for five weeks and my stress levels were soaring through the roof as the new school year approached.
When the school year finally rolled around, I was very much just a blob. My emotions were all out of whack. My mind was raising with the newness of everything around me. I joined the volleyball team (partially because this school actually had a legit team) as well as to make friends. I am so very glad.
Through this very very intense wake-up call, I did manage to begin some relationships with the girls on the team as well as with the new freshman.
Now not all of these relationships are still existent. Towards the third trimester, there was some pruning going on. As a result of this, some relationships were cut off and I was to focus on the relationships that would help me grow rather than continue to tear me down.
Now having been a month into my Junior 2018-2019 school year, there are relationships I see that have grown and will hopefully continue to grow. I have my two closest friends here. They are pushing me beyond my limits as a person and calling me deeper. They are supportive as well as constructive. They listen to me and I listen to them. Now I am great at listening to other people but I often don't listen to or take the time to see what is going on around me.
Someone pointed out to me last week that I am like an emotional sponge. I soak up everyone else's emotions and therefore feel what they are feeling in a certain situation rather than what I am feeling or what I should feel. This connected so many dots for me! Now I see that pretty much the majority of this transitional time to now, I have been so focused on things other than Jesus. I have been an emotional rollercoaster. I need constant approval and discernment from others ALL the time.
This is very very unhealthy. I realize that and I have always told myself, "Their opinion doesn't matter." but in reality, that is all I have been living up to. I have been striving to reach someone's expectation for me. I try to make my parents proud and when I messed up, I then roll all the way down this hill that I have created. I am a people pleaser.
I need to STOP thinking and aiming to reach what others want for me. I need to instead listen to what God wants for me. I need to stop with me and turn to Jesus.
"Jesus, lover of my soul.
Jesus, I will never let you go.
You've taken me
From the firey place.
You've set my feet upon the rock
and now I know...
I love you. I need you.
though my world may fall, I'll never let you go
You're my savior
my closest friend
I will worship you until the very end.
I WILL WORSHIP YOU until the VERY END."
The school year has now started over a month ago and to be totally honest, it feels like it never stopped. Last year I transferred schools from Valley Christian School in Osceola, WI to Avail Academy in Fridley, MN.
At first, this transfer was extremely difficult. It was really hard going into a new school and education program in my Sophomore year. However, now that I look back on that time, I am so very thankful that I transferred.
The sole reason we moved in the first place was so we could be apart of Vertical Church in Maple Grove. We ended up commuting back and forth living life mostly on the road that year of 2016-2017. Yes it was long and yes it got old but now, I am thankful for that transition year.
Heading back to my Sophomore year, I started out the year emotionally unstable. I had the amazing opportunity to work at camp the summer before however, this led to pure and utter exhaustion. I was very sleep deprived, homesick after being away for five weeks and my stress levels were soaring through the roof as the new school year approached.
When the school year finally rolled around, I was very much just a blob. My emotions were all out of whack. My mind was raising with the newness of everything around me. I joined the volleyball team (partially because this school actually had a legit team) as well as to make friends. I am so very glad.
Through this very very intense wake-up call, I did manage to begin some relationships with the girls on the team as well as with the new freshman.
Now not all of these relationships are still existent. Towards the third trimester, there was some pruning going on. As a result of this, some relationships were cut off and I was to focus on the relationships that would help me grow rather than continue to tear me down.
Now having been a month into my Junior 2018-2019 school year, there are relationships I see that have grown and will hopefully continue to grow. I have my two closest friends here. They are pushing me beyond my limits as a person and calling me deeper. They are supportive as well as constructive. They listen to me and I listen to them. Now I am great at listening to other people but I often don't listen to or take the time to see what is going on around me.
Someone pointed out to me last week that I am like an emotional sponge. I soak up everyone else's emotions and therefore feel what they are feeling in a certain situation rather than what I am feeling or what I should feel. This connected so many dots for me! Now I see that pretty much the majority of this transitional time to now, I have been so focused on things other than Jesus. I have been an emotional rollercoaster. I need constant approval and discernment from others ALL the time.
This is very very unhealthy. I realize that and I have always told myself, "Their opinion doesn't matter." but in reality, that is all I have been living up to. I have been striving to reach someone's expectation for me. I try to make my parents proud and when I messed up, I then roll all the way down this hill that I have created. I am a people pleaser.
I need to STOP thinking and aiming to reach what others want for me. I need to instead listen to what God wants for me. I need to stop with me and turn to Jesus.
"Jesus, lover of my soul.
Jesus, I will never let you go.
You've taken me
From the firey place.
You've set my feet upon the rock
and now I know...
I love you. I need you.
though my world may fall, I'll never let you go
You're my savior
my closest friend
I will worship you until the very end.
I WILL WORSHIP YOU until the VERY END."
Comments
Post a Comment